the lost, the confused and the individual

I have reached a state of confusion. WOOH!
why? i don't know, everything seems to be right. School isn't being to shit, got some special people in my life, going to QLD in like less than 2 weeks. I will finally own inheritance tomorrow (which i'm sure you're all releaved to here because i'll stop spamming facebook about). Yet, i feel lost. Like something is just not going right, or something vital in my life is missing. Of course i can think of things which could cause this, but they - no it - is better left unsaid (well thats what some people seems to think, me, not so much anymore).
What can i do about? I know, it simple. Just a few words shared with the right person and that would be that cleared up. But the question is if that is really the problem plaguing me.

So what is it that has me at such a loss?

I DON'T KNOW ANYMORE!

what is it? It's like, you know when you sit and watch television and you're thrown into that feeling that you're just wasting  your time sitting there. That there is something you could be doing which is much more useful of your time. Kind of like blogging. I know i should be doing homework, but i just make up reasons for not doing it. 

"I'll do it in the morning before school"
"I'll do it in study, then i'll have something to do"
"i'll do it tommorrow afternoon"
 etc, etc, etc, etc, etc...
I'm just confused. 

 
 I can't just go on with this ever so slight missingness feeling. it just makes me pissed off. The stuff i wish i could just speak out. Freedom of speech does not exist. As a people we value it, but it does not exist. If there isn't a law figure going off at you for it, its your parents, or your teachers, or the media. If freedom of speech was real, then you would not have people going "NUH UH, YOU CAN'T SAY THAT."                                      bull shit.

Which reminds me. I know what its like to be the individual. Kind of why im not exactly the most popular person in the world. Yes, i get along with many people. But there is a difference between getting along and spending time with a person. Which is why i'm the indivdual. People get along with me, but they would never actually be friends with me. Spend proper time with me. It also explains my unpopularness. I don't care what you people think, I'm not popular. If i was, well, most people get the rest of it. Don't get me wrong, i love the individuality, but there is a price. And above explains it. You can be surrounded by hundreds of people and still feel socially excluded. This is how i feel. I love the freedom i get from it. The lack of a need to conform, to copy. Like sheep to the slaughter. But there is consequences. And you don't know what they are until you're in my position, and you've lived like it, like i have. 

 ok, i've had my mumblings. I am truely proud of anyone who even attempts to read this. You would have achieved something in my eyes.