I don't fucking get it. sometimes i seriously wonder why i put up with so much shit without the actually showing people what i am really feeling. I just lock it all behind a blank face. And then people think im angry or upset because i have a blank face. Well sorry, would you prefer if i punched you in the face? or would it be better if i turned into kristen stewart? so then i could have a blank face and people wthat ouldn't think what the fuck is up with him?
How is this going to be a brand new year anyway? whats any different?
I'll go to school.
I'll work.
I'll go to karate.
Get out on the rare occasion.
Do some exams.
Go on holidays somewhere.
and repeat.
Yes sure i turn 18 but i really do not give the slightest fuck about it. Wooh i can buy my own grog and smoke and vote for some shitty politician. Seems like alot of hype for not much really. Oh i can also get tats and piercings with all my own freedom. But the only one of those that actually interests me is a tattoo. Not that i could ever make a decision about what i would actually want. And honestly, i think it would be better if i was never given access to these things at all. I can take a rough guess that my life is going to be a hell of alot more enjoyable if im not given the right to become a drunk. Which i most assuredly will, considering some of the people i have gone that way.
Going back to school? Im not looking forward to it but i guess atleast i'll actually have something productive to do. It seems i miss out on too much away from school and karate. With people that would tell me things... hang on they never tell me things. So in other words, it seems i depend on stuff like school and karate to know what is actually going on. Because i don't find out any other way.
I have a very strong feeling nothing particularly out of the ordinary is going to happen in the next year. so i need to get into a routine now before i start going crazy. Hang on, but i am that already too.
FFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUU....
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