almost confession

Argh!

How can there be the greatest people out there, that i would so want a relationship with. But then when it comes down to it the ones i do want aren't for me to have. They don't like me, or they live to far away, or im to fucking scared to talk to them. Or some other hindrance which stops any possibility of anything occuring. Meanwhile the people who do like me, well, in the moment it seems fair enough. But then after, I'm like

"Oh shit! What i have i done? I don't like this."
And then, well i'm fuckhead for messing around and being honest, truthfull, what ever yuou want to call it! If thats how it works, then why  would you come back and talk to me again anyway! Of course, not every person is like that. Some are great, amazing people. But i could not be in that form of a relationship with them. And facebook makes it all the worse.

Here is this website which tells you everything about the person. Their relationship status, if they like men or women, their likes, dislikes, birthday, religious view and political views (although most of the time people are just like fuck that to politics and religion. I mean, how can you take that view, clearly they are an option because it is a serious part of todays life! despite the scientific revolution, and somebody has to make up the rules. So you might as well take a point so you don't end up in a country with rules and taxes and shit you don't like it. And going "i don't give a fuck" does not solve it. Hello? there is a fucking sex party to vote for! surely you could atleast vote for it!)

Ok, now I've lost my train of thought. Oh! thats it. And because all of this is on facebook for you to see and read, you're accused of stalking when you ask about it.
First of all: everyone does it! Come on! don't be a hypocrite, you stalk people to. don't accuse other people of stalking when you do it just as often.
Second of all: If you didn't want people asking about this, then why did you post it publically for all to see in the first place? Why even put it in the worlds most public place currently?

And as well as all this, now all you have to do is start a conversation with the person you like, because you already know all these likes, dislikes, and shit thanks to their help by posting it on their profile (unlike you're like me and you work at places such as in a pokemart!). And they even make it too easy for you to start that conversation, thanks to live chatting and inboxing. Right now, i want to inbox them and ask them about whatever, in the hope that they might like me. And even worse, i want to do the same thing with another person, like backup! Now that makes me feel like a manslut. But guess what? thats what this world is like now anyway so you can't condone me for it. What happened to the days when you had to actually talk to people? When you actually asked them our for a date, not txted them asking if they wana go "dts."

And after all that complaining and shit i just said up there, well im to embarrased to make any moves. Not there it would make any difference. Unless I'm a bit more sharing in relation to some parts of my life I'm going to get nowhere. I really will end up as a lonely person with 40 dogs. No, not cats, dogs. I'm going to be a crazy dog person. Although, i don't think the "real me" would be as shocking to some people. I don't think it would be anything to anyone. Atleast if it was all out there and shit i may not be as single as i am right now. But, i don't want to just fucking jump in on the first person who comes. I want to find the person i wana know for ages. That could be more of a bestfriend to me than a partner, girlfriend, boyfriend, all those relationshippy terms.

Yes, relationshippy is a word, i just made it up. it is now a real world.

I'm fucked. I want a relationship, fairly soon too. But i don't want to jump in with any fucking person to come along. I want to wait for the right person. that doesn't solve anything!

What the fuck am i meant to do? Maybe i should just be honest about myself. It's not like i don't do that with every single other part of my life. I love who i am. It's me and its uniquely me, not anyone else. People have thought im a fucking weird kid who should just be picked on and ignored. But, now. Well, im still being ignored. But its a bit more, deal with him when you need to because he's an alright kid. But after that don't need to talk to him. But i love who I've become and would not change anything about me and have anyone tell me not to. Well, with almost everything. HA! i gues that is probably also inhibiting my ability to form a relationship with someone.

Where the fuck is the one I'm waiting for!? And how do i find you? Should i wait for you, or come to find you? No matter the cost it causes me, and the people i may lose along the way. Which i know i fucking will.