I saw something that made me very angry and upset tonight. I actually felt like tearing up. And now I really really need to vent it because it is fucking distracting. Especially when trials are like 5 days away.
Today on my exboyfriends tumblr, I saw someone ask questions about "this guy." Yes, apparently after what is it? A month, 2 months? He has met this amazing guy that he sees a future with. And seeing that made me want to punch a wall. How can he be able to move on already? It still fucking hurts me just to see a picture of him, or a post he makes, even just thinking about him gives me a sick feeling in my gut. And yet he is able to move on, past me and straight to this guy he met in Melbourne.
What hurts the most about it is the way he feels about "this guy." Because they are feelings which are a hell of a lot more than he felt for me. I just feel like an intermediary. Somewhere between his first big crush, and the new guy he has fallen head over heels with. Yeah, if I told everyone about this they'd be like, "Oh! Don't worry Jack. You deserve so much better than him." But I find that incredibly hard to believe. I guess since breaking up with him made me realise that i definitely had some strong feelings for him. So to see him being able to so happily move on makes me.... angry.
Being gay sucks really. I'm sure if I met a guy, like he has had the chance to, this moving on process would be so much easier. But I have not met a single guy that will help me get over this. They are all either, women in men's shells, old, or some weird combination of the two. Not particularly what I'm after. And the good one's are too far away to be of any use. Surely there must be an easier way to get passed all this.
I was kind of hoping this would relax me a bit over the whole matter. Yet right now, the only thing that is helping is the music playing loudly into my ears and the bio summaries I am attempting to write.
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