are you feeling

overwhelmed overwhelmed overwhelmed overwhelmed overwhelmed overwhelmed overwhelmed overwhelmed overwhelmed overwhelmed overwhelmed overwhelmed overwhelmed overwhelmed
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overwhelmed overwhelmed overwhelmed overwhelmed overwhelmed overwhelmedoverwhelmed?

Oh dear lord. I'm doing that thing where I sit up late talking to a cute guy...

Oh god I'm going to get a crush.

Oh god, I'm making dorky smiles.

Take control. Such a beautiful surrender.

LololololololololololololololololololololololololoL

I am so fucked!

I am definitely over school. But at least now that I'm getting better and exams are over I might get something done. But of course, now I have new fun. University applications.... But at least my body of work is done! But then we have to do that bloody yr.12 night for it and walk around with name tags so people can ask us questions. Which means i actuallu have to look nice. Which means it's gonna take me forever to get ready.... See I can be a woman about some things :P I just don't see the need to act like a girl if you're into guys. It's just silly. ANYWAY. Back to the yr.12 night. It also means I'll have to stay behind to take down my work and then have to get up ridiculously early the next morning to go to the religion excursion.... Of which the only part I'm looking forward to is food, the halocaust centre (I don't know how to spell holocaust SORRY!), and of course being in melbourne which means non-bogan guys to perve on! thank the lord. And then I'll have work at 9am the next morning when we get back. Damn it this week is going to be fun and murderous.

I bought some books yesterday.
 
And i do love $3 books 
My only problem now is when i finally get a chance to read them I just don't want to do anything. 
Maybe I'll take advantage of the melb trip to read... that or play pokemon :P

In other news, I've actually been talking to a nice guy.
Yeah, he lives in wagga. But i guess thta doesn't been i should completely and utterly give up.
And there is many reasons for this.
1. He's damn fine looking
2. He is great to talk to. Meaningless and meaningful conversation.
3. He loves doctor who!
4. He loves pokemon!
5. HE CAN FUCKING SING!

In other words, I'm pretty sure he's a figment of my imagination.
Which if true would upset me greatly.



I hope I can keep control of myself over the next couple of months...
Take control of the atmosphere.
Take  me far away from here.
There's no better loss than to lose my, self in you.

Get out of my fucking head. You make my gut sink.

biology is a complete and utter bitch.

Look it's MUSE. Beautiful Matt Bellamy with his Manson and his glitter suit...
Fuck. Distraction is a bitch






Oops, now there is a sexy boy.

do you call them good distractions?

Well, I think I kind of, not completely on purpose, not completely without intention, asked someone on a date. Since when do I do that? This time a week ago I was ready to break down about I'd been broken up with for nearly 2 months. Now I'm asking someone out?










My life seems to be described by memes. But hey? It's true for the span of a week. Although I still haven't gotten a response, so I'm not really sure if I should be stressing out or not. He's definitely a sweet guy though.  

GO DO YOUR BLOODY MATHS STUDY JACK.

i wish this was synchronised with tumblr. How much better life would be.

It's been a long day
I'm absolutely achin'
To lie down next to my girl
and tell her all about it.

I had to stop at every single red light
I couldn't get a word in
When I finally saw the bars.
And all I wanted was you, you
And all I wanted was you, you

They say they have grave doubts
about everything I do.
They huddle and discuss me
Well maybe I should leave.

But in ten years, come and see where I am
I'll be standing with my girl
and you will all be lonely.
Coz all I wanted was you, you.
All I wanted was you, you.

It's been a long day,
I'm absolutely aching
To lie down next to my girl
and tell her all about it
one, two, three, four

I used to love that song. Kinda still do
Fuck you, for ruining it mate.

Being calm before an exam I believe is more worrying than being completely stressed.

the sticks and stones that wear us down often save our lives

one long paragraph.

So, I kind of feel like death right now. I don't think I've ever been so sick before, and I had to go and get sick during trials. Talking about testing times. LOL. Jack, that was a terrible pun, you deserve to be exiled. But yeah, nothing seems to be being particularly friendly to me right now. Like yesterday, after English, I went to do some test prints for my major work in Photography/Art. They had to take my number and call me back another time, because the person who specialises in Illustrator files was on break. Then, when I went to buy maccas in at Albury, their eftpos wasn't working. So being a nice brother I drove out to lavi to get Taylor her kids meal and something for myself. Then, today I go to do the test prints again and then end up having to come back tomorrow, with my posters saved in different file formats because Planscan works in an old bloody illustrator program. I am not having much luck. Kind of with how I was meant to get up early this morning to memorise lines of Donne's poetry, but ended up sleeping in. So instead of having around 20 lines of poetry locked away in my head for module A, I only had... 10? One of which I forgot as soon as I went to write it down at the beginning of the exam. I guess at least I did write all 3 essays. But, their lengths where pretty inconsistent. At least I have a day off tomorrow. I can recover a little for the hour and a half of hand cramp essay writing of art examination. Which I still am to even finish revising one artist for. Instead of doing that I am writing this rather long paragraph which I do not believe I will be bothering to break down into smaller paragraphs. What's more fun than making people lose themselves in very long single paragraphs. Kind of like my English exams, those paragraphs were very, chunky. Chunky, now I feel like cheese. But because of the sickness it will probably taste like brockili. Toothpaste this morning tasted like vomit, my ovaltine tonight, something creamy but overly sweet. EVERYTHING TASTES WRONG IT'S SO UNAPPEALING THAT I'M GOING TO CUT MY THROAT AND EVERYONE ELSES. Maybe I should be a real bitch and change remove all the spaces, then I'd like to see you bitches try and read this shit. What am I doing? This post has disintegrated into meaningless chatter. At least I haven't tried to rage about any ex's or something. I'm probably well past that after using it to write my creative writing section in the Belonging exam. It didn't even fit in with one of the stimuli they gave, IT FIT IN WITH TWO. And I don't think I distinguished which one I actually did, which means Robo's probably having a hell of a time working out to what stimuli I was actually writing about. Was it about hiding in a shell (coat) or how little things can hurt or help. I think in the end it ended up being little things, but I don't think I wrote than on the exam. HAWKWARD.

Ex predicaments.

I saw something that made me very angry and upset tonight. I actually felt like tearing up. And now I really really need to vent it because it is fucking distracting. Especially when trials are like 5 days away.

Today on my exboyfriends tumblr, I saw someone ask questions about "this guy." Yes, apparently after what is it? A month, 2 months? He has met this amazing guy that he sees a future with. And seeing that made me want to punch a wall. How can he be able to move on already? It still fucking hurts me just to see a picture of him, or a post he makes, even just thinking about him gives me a sick feeling in my gut. And yet he is able to move on, past me and straight to this guy he met in Melbourne.

What hurts the most about it is the way he feels about "this guy." Because they are feelings which are a hell of a lot more than he felt for me. I just feel like an intermediary. Somewhere between his first big crush, and the new guy he has fallen head over heels with. Yeah, if I told everyone about this they'd be like, "Oh! Don't worry Jack. You deserve so much better than him." But I find that incredibly hard to believe. I guess since breaking up with him made me realise that i definitely had some strong feelings for him. So to see him being able to so happily move on makes me.... angry.

Being gay sucks really. I'm sure if I met a guy, like he has had the chance to, this moving on process would be so much easier. But I have not met a single guy that will help me get over this. They are all either, women in men's shells, old, or some weird combination of the two. Not particularly what I'm after. And the good one's are too far away to be of any use. Surely there must be an easier way to get passed all this.

I was kind of hoping this would relax me a bit over the whole matter. Yet right now, the only thing that is helping is the music playing loudly into my ears and the bio summaries I am attempting to write.